[RATD] Fic: Ryan Loves Me (or the last chapter, but not the end to my love)

[inkisrunning]

Title: Ryan Loves Me (or the last chapter, but not the end to my love)
Author: calidearie
Rating: R
Pairing: Ryden
POV: Brendon's
Summary: This is it, believe it. Or not.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, they own themselves.
Author Notes: It's been fun, hope you enjoyed!
[ETA:]
Author Notes II (as of 07/11/08): This had been written and posted prior to the split of Panic at the Disco, thank goodness, or it would have taken away from the story. I did not make this post public because I didn't know if I wanted to extend it. And now, at this point, because of current events I feel I will not be able to continue. With that said, I give you the last chapter! Thank you for supporting me and dealing with my MIA moments. I love you all!
Author Notes III (as of 07/24/09): I needed a beta. I found a beta. She was awesome. Thank you, longerthanwedo! I couldn’t have posted without you!


Teh Love Story
Ryan Named Me (or chapter one of my love story)
Ryan Kissed Me (or chapter two of my love story)
Ryan Found Me (or chapter three of my love story)
Ryan Saved Me (or chapter four of my love story)
Ryan Virginated Me (or chapter five of my love story)
Ryan F&cked Me (or chapter six of my love story)
Ryan Loves Me (or the last chapter, but not the end to my love)

ccc



This is why this story exists.

ccc

"Okay, okay, it's Ryan's turn. Truth or dare?" Pete said between laughs, but when his gaze fell on Ryan, there wasn't a chuckle to be heard. I noticed this look right from the start, when Pete first saw us, when we were nothing but a garage band.

Pete Wentz was more awestruck to meet Ryan than we were of meeting him. Okay, well, no, we were all just as excited. It was fucking Pete Wentz! But I think that it's fair to say that out of the four of us it was pretty obvious, he was more interested in Ryan.

I thought it was a bit unusual, but then I remembered that this is Ryan Ross we're talking about. Everyone is at least a little bit taken away by him. Ryan affects people. Once you meet him, there's no forgetting.

It may not even be about his looks, though you have to admit he's fucking hot. Well, aside from his looks there's this thing about him. This thing that pulls you in. I haven't figured it out yet.

And seeing Pete pay even more attention to Ryan, even more so than usual--and that's a lot, lot--I'm going to find out what it is that is so captivating about Ryan. Not that I was jealous or anything, but I was scared that I might lose him and that--THAT can't happen.

I looked around the room. Jon. Bill. Travis. Mike. Michael. Patrick. Andy. Spencer, bingo. If you want to know about Ryan, you speak to Spencer. Common knowledge.

"Hey, Spence."

"No."

"No?"

"The answer is no." Spencer confirmed.

"You haven't heard the question yet."

"Exactly."

"What are you talking about?"

"I didn't hear the question--the dare. None of us did." Spencer explained.

"Dude, again, what the hell are you talking about?"

"You were gonna ask what Ryan's dare was, right?" Spencer nodded towards a corner of the room.

"Wait, Pete dared Ryan? Ryan took one of Pete's dares? No one takes a dare from Pete!" I looked over at the two in question, just as the crowd erupted in laughter.

"Hey, Bill!" I ran over to William, who was seemingly on his way to get another drink. He raised his empty cup to me as I approached him.

"Hey, how come you’re not game?"

"Didn't feel into it."

"You should be. It would be your first time playing with Ross as your boyfriend."

"Does it change things?"

"Didn't everything change?"

I didn’t know where he was getting at with this line of questioning, so I nodded. "Hmmm. So, did you hear Ryan's dare?"

"From Pete? No, I wish though, it's been a long time since anyone accepted a dare from Pete."

"What was the crack-up about?"

"Gabe's truth. Ryan asked him if he--"

"Oh wow, are you serious? Never would have expected that," I said, nodding, not really caring. But just so you know, no one takes a truth from Ryan like no one takes a dare from Pete. Ryan has a way of getting a person to reveal the worst (depending how you look at it) and most secret things (also depending how you look at it) out of you, without you even realizing until it’s too late. Right now though, to tell you the truth, I wasn't paying attention to what Bill was going on about Gabe or did I cut him off? Oops. It's not important anyway.

ccc

I remembered what I was going to ask Spencer later on that night.

But I didn't get to ask when Pete cornered me.

"So, you and Ryan?"

"Yeah, yeah. So, he accepted your dare?”

“Yeah.” He said, too quickly.

“You mind telling—“

“Fuck no.”

I kinda wanted to punch the stupid grin off Pete’s face that may or may not be too large for his body.

ccc

It took me another hour and twenty-eight minutes to find Spencer again.

"Spence, where the fuck did you go?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, didn't know I had you for a stalker. Had I known, I would have made it easier for you. Maybe leave a gummy bear trail."

"Please, that would be such a waste of gummy bears. Maybe skittles, I don't really mind for Skittles. Or, no, I take that back. I’d eat the gummy bears anyway."

"I'll uhh... I'll keep that in mind. Have you seen Jon? He took my chips."

"Yeah, I saw him talking with Mike."

"If he's sharing MY chips, I'm gonna kill him!" Spencer said as he walked off. I was tempted to call him back and distract him because Jon actually gave me the potato chips, and I ate them all. And if Spencer killed Jon, then we would have had to find another bass player, again. And since I ate them, he might have killed me too, just for the fun of it, and who the fuck could replace me?

"Hey, Patrick!" Spencer yelled across the room.

Anyhow, I thought it best that Spencer and I kept our distance, at least until he was in a better mood.

ccc

"No way, Gee, that's just not possible!" Even as I said this, I knew that perhaps what Gerard said was true, that Pete probably dared Ryan for a fuck or worse, a kiss.

"Anything's possible, take Gabe and Bill for example, when dared didn't they--"

"Fuck..." And fuck, I didn't need that image in my head.

"Exactly."

For just about the rest of the night, I ended up asking around, looking for where Pete and Ryan had disappeared off to.

And then I ran into him. Again. The one I was trying to track down.

"Spence, you're not gonna get away from me until I ask you what I need to ask you."

"As-away." Spencer drawled as he looked up from the sofa with a goofy smile. "Whats-yuu-wanna-knoww?"

"Well, I just wanted to know... the thing is... I'm scared. I mean about Ryan, he's like this--"

"Brendon, say no more--hey, did you know that your name sounds like Ben?”

“Suuure.” I said, unsurely. I carefully extracted a cup of who knows what from Spencer’s hand.

He pulled back and for a moment I thought that he was going to hit me, but he placed his hand on my shoulder and pulled me in. He hugged me.

“Don’t be scared, Ben, I love you, but not the way Ryan loves you or the way Pete loves Ryan… Wait, you ate my chips, you fucker!”

“Umm, no I didn’t.” I turned around and I kind of ran away.

ccc

I ran into Ryan.

“Hey, Baby, been looking for you,” he whispered into my ear.

“You have?”

Ryan nodded and took my hand and led me out of the room.

And into a dark room. I wasn’t sure what kind of room or whose room it was. But whether I knew or not didn’t change what happened next. Ryan kissed me just as he closed the door behind us. His lips crashed onto mine and our tongues met. I could taste the alcohol on his lips and I think he tasted the cigarette I smoked earlier because he pulled back for a second. I couldn’t see him. It was too dark but I could imagine his nose crinkling in distaste. I opened my mouth to mutter an apology, but I didn’t have the time to say it before his lips met mine again. He pulled me flush against his body. The kiss was earth shattering.

The door opened—FLASH.

ccc

[EPILOGUE]

The flash came from Ryan’s phone. Pete took the picture. A great, memorable moment. A terrible, pixilated shot.

Ryan grinned as he looked at the picture, then he turned the phone around for me to see.

I don’t think I said anything; I just let the scene unfold before me.

Ryan looked at Pete and Pete looked at Ryan.

“You don’t have to do it,” Pete half whispered. But the whole room, filled with my friends--my family, heard. I’m sure of it.

“I’m not backing out of a fucking a dare, Pete, especially yours.” Ryan grinned back. And then he faced me and smiled. “And even more so... I'm doing it because Brendon Boyd Urie, Peppababy, I love you.” He placed a quick chaste kiss on my lips, and I vaguely remember the awwwwws and whistles as Ryan looked at me as he pressed the send button on his phone, sending the shot to the band’s blog.

The picture of us kissing in the closet was posted on a very public page as if it were nothing and everything, outing us to the world.

This is the story of our love. This is how I saw it all happen, and believe it or not, this was just the beginning.

ccc

Comments

[isuzuchan44.livejournal.com]

fejhasjfkasfjeifaskf
read it all in one sitting an I am quite pleased that I did
yayz
so awesomely lovey dovey and rydon, and WHY THE HELL DID THIS NOT HAPPEN?

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

wow, thanks for the commentz! i thought it rather too fluffy myself, but glad it works!

AND I KNOW, IT SHOULD HAVE. ACTUALLY, IT STILL CAN HAPPEN. THERE'S HOPE YET. new perspective totes about ryden. i noez it.

[rydenkid.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhh!
Best thing i've read in ages

So i just sat and read it all now and it made me smile a lot and it just made me all round happy
Happier :)

Ahhh I love fluffy lovey dovey fics and shizz and wow i'm rambling but i do that when I'm in awe

<3 ahmazinggg

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

omgoodness, you making me blush--really hehe
Thank you for the awesome comment!

And glad it made you happy. I guess that's from all the fluffxD

thankyouusAGAIN <3

[rock-rad-love.livejournal.com]

okayokay soooo 1) New Perspective is SOOOO about them, when i first read the lyrics i was like "oh yes, now all we need is a blunt confession from them" ahahaha
2) this was a terribly amazing story
3) I loveloveloved how you portrayed brendon in this just <333

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

hehe i like listsxD
1)yes, it totally is. and i don't even need a confession;) it just is
2)thank you!
3)swoons at all the different ways we can portray brendon. he's just that awesome. let's see what else we can make him do;)

[forbiddenverses.livejournal.com]

WHY CANT THIS HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE?????????
awsum fic
<3

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

IT COULD BE HAPPENING, lol they're just being supersecretyaboutit
thanks! <33

[forbiddenverses.livejournal.com]

i wish this was happening and they tell the world so i can celebrate!!!!
have u seen brendons twitter comments. they make me sooo sad. i seriously think that he was in love with ryan.

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

it does make me sad. but maybe they are just going through a lovers' quarrel(sp?) or something.

i mean how do you go from this:

to not ~talking?

sad, so sad. but i'm no hater. i'm kinda into the whole ryan/alex or even ryan/jon thing

[forbiddenverses.livejournal.com]

in its insane. when did they stop doing the whole gay thing. and rite when ryan and keltie break brendon has to go and get a frikking gf.(i was very sad at tthis)

lol i personally like ryden. its sooo adorable.
btw im gonna add u as a friend.

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

hmmm, wasn't it around the time of the break between ryan and keltie? i think that was the reason why everyone was all like brendon was the OTHER person. and that was why he all of a sudden had a girlfriend (for a cover up). it's all rumors though.

ryden is adorable. and i don't think it can be topped. if only they were gay/bi irl.
i added you:) nice to meet you, new friend!

[forbiddenverses.livejournal.com]

yer, just wen ryan breaks up with keltie he finds a gf.i seriously still beleive that brendon was the other person.
i wonder if he's still going out with her?
i no ryden is god!! i wish they were. wh ycan they b open???
ay u added me!! :) now we can totally b best friends!!!

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

i think they're still together, however, for some reason i got the feeling that it's all just like some cover up or something so to throw off the idea that brendon was the other person. lol or i'm just wishing it was so hehe

best friends forever friends;)

[forbiddenverses.livejournal.com]

they're soo totally gonna break up some time soon. when sarah realises brendon is in love with ryan.(i thought the tweets would give it away, but apparently not)
Brendon was the other person. HE WAS!!!

best friends for life!!!!

[candycrusher.livejournal.com]

NHE-HE-HE.
so. I'm dead right now.
love you for writing this.

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

hehe, i think this is the best comment ever. not because of the deadness and all, but because of "NHE-HE-HE."
love you too, bb
thanks for the comment!

[candycrusher.livejournal.com]

basically, I'm just gonna go ahead and add you right now. because, well, you obviously love the NHE-HE-HE just like I do, so, du-uh, we're obviously soulmates 4evah and evah?

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

obviously, i'll friend you back because we are basically soulmates 4everz and 4everzmoar, obviously. HEHE

[candycrusher.livejournal.com]

yeah, I mean, obviously. just so we're clear. hrm. k maybe I should stop taking up space here now. it's obviously... taking up space.

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

oh, but we're soulmates so my space is your space so take all the space you want?

[candycrusher.livejournal.com]

hm, I must say that I like your attitude, soulmate. VERY MUCH INDEED. probably has something to do with the whole soulmate thing and all.
so, you got a name, cowboy?
(OH-EM-EFF-GEE I'M SORRY I'VE JUST BEEN LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE TO USE THAT LINE MY WHOLE LIFE, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ANSWER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, just write something random soulmate-ish.)
NHE-HE-HE.

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

it must be because we are SOULMATES. there CAN BE NO OTHER EXPLANATION. i've a name, it's carrie. what's yours? I MUST KNOW SO WE CAN BOND WITH OUR EXCHANGED NAMES and maybe moar el-oh-el.

[candycrusher.livejournal.com]

WE ARE GOING TO DO SO MUCH MORE THAN BONDING WITH OUR NEWLY EXCHANGED NAMES, THAT IT'S ILLEGAL IN CERTAIN STATES. you know, or not. YET.
i've a name too, because, i'm a cowboy, obviously. it's leila but everyone calls me mikey, so. SINCE YOU'RE MY SOULMATE YOU TOTALLY GET TO PICK WHAT YOU WANT TO CALL ME. if you want to call me something like starbuckscup then that's totally fine with me. just saying.

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

i am looking forward to all of the LEGIT AND OR THE ILLEGITIMATE bonding and sharing and basically ALL OF THE SOULMATE THINGS WE CAN DO AS SOULMATES. WE WILL KNOW NO BOUNDS, and even post out of threads if we want to BECAUSE WE CAN. nice to meet you, leila. that's a beautiful name, but i think as YOUR SOULMATE I'M GOING TO CALL YOU SWEDEN. i'm calling you that because i so totally just clicked your profile link and found out that you, MY SOULMATE, are from sweden. (BE-TEE-DOUBLE-U, i go by a lot of nicknames as well (even cupcake, really), so you are also welcome to call me whatever you want-- no lie--because you are my SOULMATE.)

[candycrusher.livejournal.com]

FOR REAL? CAN I FOR REAL CALL YOU CUPCAKE? 'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME, IT'D MAKE ME PASS OUT. IT'S ALMOST AS DEAR TO ME AS BEING ABLE TO USE THE LINE "so, you got a name cowboy?"
I feel like our whole soulmaterelationship is just so much beyond awesome it's insane, I mean, first of all, we are in fact soulmates. Second of all, I got to use the cowboy-line with you. Third of all (that sounds weird but oh well) I GET TO FKN CALL YOU CUPCAKE. My life is complete. Obviously.
SO. Now we are Cupcake and Sweden, the awesome soulmates. I like the sound of that, I LIKE IT A LOT. And to stop taking up both of our space right here, I'm wondering if you happen to be on msn a lot? 'Cause I am. I mean, not like I have a life or so. SO, feel free to add me BIG TIME! elephantic@live.se
now I'm off to eat noodles (god that's a funnt word.)
-HUGGLEZ-U-BIG-TYMEZ-

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

YOU CAN CALL ME CUPCAKE. Y-THE-EFF NOT? YOU ARE MY SOULMATE AFTER ALL. AND YOU CAN USE WHATEVER LINE YOU WANT ON ME, i mean is that TOY STORY? THAT LINE? i can hear woody saying it. EL-OH-EL IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER. only our soulmate relationship matters because it's just that awesome. MY LIFE IS ALSO COMPLETE. I DON'T KNOW HOW I LIVED WITHOUT YOU, MY AWESOME SOULMATE. i don't have an msn anymore, but because we are soulmates, I WILL CREATE ONE or find my old account and add you. OH-EM-GEE I AM SO DAMN HAPPY, MY MIND IS BLOWN. *HUGGLEZ-U-MOAR-TYMEZ*

[candycrusher.livejournal.com]

DUDE, I'VE NO IDEA IF IT'S FROM TOY STORY. I mean, not saying that I'm not all about watching movies made for people under the age of 10 all day long, BECAUSE I AM AND I DO, but I just don't remember. IT'S SIMPLY LIKE THAT LINE'S BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD SINCE I WAS BORN. INSANE, I TELL YOU. And now, thanks to you, it's out of my system. I'll be forever greatful!
AND YES, INDEED, OUR SOULMATE:ING IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS. It'll remain a mystery to the both of us how we've lived for so long without knowing about each other. Maaad world -hums- (you know that song? from Donnie Darko? Have you seen Donnie Darko, by the way? Oh-em-gee I love Jake Gyllenhaal. Do you love Jake Gyllenhaal? ALL THESE QUESTIONS, SPINNING INSIDE MY HEAD, ALL THESE QUESTIONS!)
So. We should talk MOAR AND MOAR. But WHERE CAN WE DO THAT?! TELL ME, 'CUZ I NEED TO KNOW. Or else I'll keep spamming and taking up _our_ space. 'Cause it's alright, since we are soulmates.
AH, HOW WOULD'VE KNOWN THAT THE SIMPLE "NHE-HE-HE" COULD BE THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING SO WONDERFUL?

(WE WOULD!)

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

OH, I TOTES KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. my memory fails me all the time. i don't remember passwords. i like made an account just now and i'm effing locked out. IDEK. oh, dear dear dear SOULMATE MY LIFE IS FOREVER LOOKING FOR TIME. i've been away, but not really. catching up in school and other shit. BUT NOW THAT I SEE YOU REPLIED I AM SO DAMN HAPPY I CAN FORGET ALL ELSE. i'm eating cereal right now. IT'S NOT EVEN BREAKFAST TIME, BUT I'M ADDICTED TO IT. I CAN EAT IT 24/7. DO YOU LIKE CEREAL? it is sooo good, it's the best. I'D LOVE TO BE SHARING ALL ELSE WITH YOU AND MAYBE TALK ABOUT CEREAL, JAKE GYLLENHAAL AND EVERYTHING SOULMATISH WITH YOU. i can't access my msn right now, but do you have yim? add me (inkisrunning) if you do. AND YES, IT IS WONDERFUL WE MET WITH A SIMPLE "NHE-HE-HE" BUT THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED AS WE ARE AWESOME SOULMATES!

[candycrusher.livejournal.com]

So, I was just reading through our thousands and thousands of comments/replies here. And I started lol:ing as fudge (trying to use "fudge" instead of "fuck") when I saw how we basically became more and more hysterical with every word. Hm. I think that says a lot about us. AND HOW AWESOME WE ARE! RIGHT?!
And oh. School is just a big fat no-no. BUT I'M ALWAYS HERE TO CHEER YOU UP! YOU KNOW, IF YOU LIKE TOTALLY FAIL A CLASS OR SOMETHING (BUT YOU WON'T SINCE YOU'RE AWESOME. AND EVEN IF YOU DO, IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE AWESOME. NHE!) I'LL BE RIGHT HERE AND WE CAN DR00L AND BE FANGIRLS, OR EAT BEN & JERRY'S (PLEASE TELL ME YOU LOVE PHISH FOOD?! YOU'RE AWESOME EVEN IF YOU DON'T) OR EXCHANGE LINKS TO YOUTUBE VIDEOS WITH BOYS BEING GAY. Gee, the amount of stuff typed in caps lock right there is enough to provide food for an entire country. Eh. Kinda.
I don't have yim, but I'm sooo creating and account the second I've posted this, and then we'll be FREE AT LAST.
YOU'RE THE BEST SOULMATE EVER, AND I'M SORRY FOR BEING SLOW AT REPLYING, BUT I'VE BEEN BABY SITTING A FRENCH KID. RANDOM, RIGHT?! Again: you're the best!
-HUGGLEZ-ZNUGGLEZ-ULUGGLEZ- (WTF?)

[calidearie.livejournal.com]

oh, dear me, what a bad soulmate i am. I JUST SAW THIS NOW. HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT YOU COMMENTED. EFFING EFF! I WISH TO BE CONTINUING THE AWESOME THAT IS US AND OUR EFFING AWESOME POSTS OF PURE AWESOME-Y STUFF AND THINGS AND OTHER STUFF LIKE PHISH FOOD BECAUSE I LOVES DE PHISH FOOD, EXCEPT OYSTERS. OR MAYBE I JUST NEVER HAD A GOOD OYSTER. WELL, WHATEVER. here is a video: http://dearone.buzznet.com/user/video/play/3852641/ it is of ryan and brendon being gay, or just awesome. ENJOY THE SIX OR SO MINUTES. youtube will not let me upload AT their site as the song is copyrighted. EL-OH-EL.