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[personal profile] inkisrunning
Title: Fastest Runner, Highest Jumper
Pairing: Jon/Ryan
Rating: NC-17 (towards the end)
Warnings: Mentions of rape. Unbeta'd. Written on a bad day.
Summary: Don't hate.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. The plot came out of my head. This is not real.
A/N: 1) Title comes from something Ryan once said. 2) Ryan and Jon's tweets are real. The replies are NOT real. There are similar tweets out there that I'm sure Ryan and Jon (and all the rest) are NOT oblivious to. If my NOT real replies are in fact, real, it is a coincidence. I worked the replies into the fic to make a point for the storyline, you gets? And I feel I must say that I do not mean any harm or wish to express hate. 3) Story was born from this comment.

Part 11

"Okay, so out with it." The words were out of Brendon's mouth as soon as the front door closed behind Ryan and Spencer when they left for lunch.

Jon sighed. Of course, he knew exactly what Brendon was referring to but even if he wanted to tell him, it wasn't his place. "I can't tell you what you are asking. However, I have something I want to say if you'll let me."

Brendon's eyes widened for a moment, clearly surprised by his words.

Jon felt a pang as he realized just how much they had grown apart. He caught Brendon's nod for him to continue.

"Listen, Brendon, I know things have... changed." Jon wanted to take that word back, but it was too late. "Especially between us." Jon kept his eyes on Brendon and it hurt to see that the younger man didn't protest at his words. Yeah, he thought, things have definitely changed. "It wasn't smart of us, Ryan and me, I mean." Brendon turned away at this but Jon could tell that he wanted to hear what he had to say.

Jon sat in the seat next to Brendon and waited for him to meet his eyes before he continued. "It was never our intention to keep it a secret. You asked us, once, when our relationship started and our answers were different. 'It's complicated,' Ryan had said."

"You don't have to tell me, Jon. It's okay, I understand. I mean, all that counts is that we're friends. I'd rather be friends than not friends."

Jon smiled at Brendon's words. "Yeah, we're friends. I hope that will never change." And there is that word again.

"It wont," Brendon reassured.

"But I think you and I both know that you want to know what I want to say." Jon chuckled. "Could I sound anymore stupid?"

Brendon laughed. "I think I'm stupid enough to get you." Brendon sat back in his chair. "I just--I do want to hear it, to be honest. But you don't owe me an explanation."

"Or smart enough." Jon smiled. "You're right. Ryan and I don't need to explain anything. But I'm telling you anyway because we're friends, right?"

"Fuck, fine already. Tell me before we talk in another circle." Brendon laughed.

"Okay, first of all, for the record, you totally just ruined the beautiful, very serious, bro moment we were sharing." Jon grinned. And rolled his eyes when Brendon stuck his tongue out at him. "I can't talk for Ryan when he said that we were together since I joined the band, since, no one can say what goes through that man's head."

"No kidding," Brendon muttered.

Jon smiled. "I can explain, however, my answer."

Brendon nodded.

Jon briefly wondered why he needed to tell Brendon, but at Brendon's look, he knew this was something that needed to be said. They needed to get past the elephant in the room in order to get back to being the elephants in the room that talked about Aladdin and what type of chips goes with what type of beer. "We were all up that night when Ryan declared that he was done working with the album."

"'Screw the fucking shit album,' he said." Brendon laughed.

"Yeah." Jon smiled. "None of us got any sleep that night because we were all so relieved. I remember looking at Ryan and thinking how insane he was for saying what he did because he had worked so hard."

"Probably more than any of us."

"I don't know how you guys got through the first album."

Brendon shrugged. "The process was madness."

"Well, that night, I remember, Ryan was just so worked up over those songs, and really, it was like any other night of him crumpling a page of his notebook and tossing it in a bin, but something was in his eyes that night. Finality. I couldn't even breathe for that second it took for him to stand up and declare the album a crash and burn. And in that moment, for me, it wasn't about the album. That moment I realized that I was fucking head over heels in love with this incredible, fucking insane, idiot that is Ryan Ross."

Brendon narrowed his eyes. "Not that I don't believe you or anything, but I happen to know that you guys had fucked way before that night."

"Ryan tell you that?" Jon met Brendon's eyes.

"No, but after you guys told me and during all that extra time I had after the split, I had time to think about it. It was a guess, but you confirmed it just now. Your eyes totally gave you away."

Jon smiled at Brendon. "We did fuck," Jon confessed, and wondered for a moment why it was easier to talk about fucking than loving. And then realized just how stupid that thought was.

"You weren't head over heels your first time with Ryan, 'cause I'd be," Brendon said. "Actually, I am and we didn't fuck," Brendon amended.

"I was in love with him before that. Love is a funny thing, difficult to explain and more difficult to pinpoint when it happens." Jon sighed, trying to find his words.

"So, I take it that when you said you were together since the album was scrapped, you took it as when you realized you were in love with him?"

"I loved him before that. Way before that. I wanted him since we first met. I fell in love with Ryan when I found out that he stole my camera when I was sleeping and took a picture of a beat up car in the middle of nowhere."

"He actually wanted to capture the sunset for you." Brendon smiled as he recalled the picture and how it had been taken.

"The picture of him actually holding my camera is a far better capture." Jon laughed.

"Evidence." They said in unison, and broke into laughter again.

Jon cleared his throat when the room fell silent again. "I love him so much, Bren. But it was that night, when I saw that look of certitude in his eyes, I realized with perfect clarity that I made up my mind that there could be no one else for me. Ryan is it. Irrevocably."

"That's... wow. Wow, Jon... That's..." Brendon said, carefully, quietly.

Jon found he couldn't respond right away. He collected his breath. "I didn't think I'd say that much, but I wanted to let you know that I love him. I want you to know because I know that you love him too. If maybe... I don't know. Maybe it'll be easier for you to know that this isn't a game for me?"

Brendon tried to break eye contact but Jon placed a hand to his shoulder. "I can only imagine what must have and what is going through your mind whenever you think of us, or when we walk in the room. Shit, I don't know... if I were you, I'd be hating on me."

"I could never hate you, Jon."

Jon smiled. "Really?"

Brendon sighed. "Okay, maybe I did. A little bit. Maybe even a lot when I first found out. I mean, I did find out by seeing you guys rutting in the corner like there was no tomorrow in Africa."

"We weren't rutting and it was 5 'o clock in the morning, who's awake--" Jon bit his tongue at Brendon's look. "Fine. Yes, we're idiots. And we sure as hell didn't want for you guys to have found out about it the way you guys did. We planned on telling you guys... We just didn't know how. We didn't want to ruin things."

"Spencer wanted to kill you, you know. In fact, I think he's still waiting for the chance for it," Brendon mused.

"I could believe that. He gave me the talk and I don't plan on disappointing him." Jon smiled.

"Good." Brendon clapped Jon on the shoulder. "For the record, as you said, I love Ryan. I'm in love with him. And you telling me all this, it doesn't make that love any less--

Jon opened his mouth to interrupt, but Brendon didn't give him the opportunity.

"I know, Jon, that that wasn't your intention by telling me. I'm saying that I love Ryan. And that won't ever change. I'm also saying that I love you too, and if you and Ryan are happy together then that's the way it'll be. It's hard for me, but it'll be even harder if I ever lost you guys as friends. I... You were right, I did want to know. I think I needed to hear it, make it real. I could see now that it is. Thank you for telling me. And you better fucking believe that the second you mess up, I'll kill you if Spencer hasn't already done so."

Jon laughed and pulled Brendon into a hug. "You're beautiful."

"And you're ringing," Brendon said as pulled out of the hug and indicated Jon's pocket.

Jon smiled and pulled out his phone. "It's Spence."

"He's probably calling you to take Ryan off his hands." Brendon smirked.

Jon chuckled as he talked into the phone. "What's up?"


tobejonwalker limitless undying love

@tobejonwalker y u no love ur band?



A/N: Sorry it took another forever to get this out, but with all that's been happening with real life Panic! and TYV, well, it's been affecting my writing. I hope this doesn't suck... Also, If I have any control over this story, I want to say that there will only be two parts left to go. :)
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