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FIRST, DID YOU NOTICE MY CUSTOM USERHEAD? thanks to the beautiful maintainers at [livejournal.com profile] stonersinlove!!! and all i had to do was write fic lol




Title: Fastest Runner, Highest Jumper
Pairing: Jon/Ryan
Rating: NC-17 (towards the end)
Warnings: Mentions of rape. Unbeta'd. Written on a bad day.
Summary: Don't hate.
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. The plot came out of my head. This is not real.
A/N: 1) Title comes from something Ryan once said. 2) Ryan and Jon's tweets are real. The replies are NOT real. There are similar tweets out there that I'm sure Ryan and Jon (and all the rest) are NOT oblivious to. If my NOT real replies are in fact, real, it is a coincidence. I worked the replies into the fic to make a point for the storyline, you gets? And I feel I must say that I do not mean any harm or wish to express hate. 3) Story was born from this comment.

Part 3

Jon was left to his thoughts as Ryan slept. Took some time and a lot of Tylenol PM for him to pass out in, Jon hoped, a dreamless sleep. The last few hours were completely straining and just plain wrong. Everything played out as if it didn't happen. It wasn't at all like the movies when someone is raped, how afterwards they show a shower scene, where the person just cries and cries, or in complete and utter shock. They would be in fetal position by the drain of the tub with the water just pouring and pouring over them, washing away the blood but not the hurt. Jon thought back to what actually happened. No, this was real life. This was real life with Ryan.

Ryan was the type of person that people wanted to be around. People gravitated to the thin musician. It's not because he's pretty, okay, maybe that's a part of it. But for the most part, the real reason was that Ryan was there for you. Everything about him was for the people around him, altering himself to suit the other's needs.

And people would naturally want to see if they could figure him out, like a puzzle needing to be solved, to be scrutinized over, to be put together, to be fixed.

Ryan was always so good with his masks. People tended to think he was fragile at a glance, but that's not the case at all. Ryan was strong, too strong for his own good, wanting everybody to think he was someone he isn't. He wanted people to think that he knew himself well, that he was comfortable in his skin.

People close to him knew bits and pieces of his life growing up, but never the complete story. Knowing the story may abate a person's curiosity over the enigma that is Ryan Ross, however, Ryan will never tell what happened to him, what he had to deal with in his past. He's too busy wearing his masks, pretending that he's okay.

Only one person exists that knows everything. That man isn't here. Jon wondered whether it would have all been different had Spencer been the one to be here, and not him. Or even Brendon.

Is Ryan wearing a mask now, one that makes him feel as if he needs to keep his emotions in for his sake? Does Ryan think if he were to let his emotions out that he would leave? Jon ran his fingers through Ryan's hair, weaving through the soft brown curls. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Ryan's head.

Ryan stirred and rubbed his cheek on Jon's chest.

Jon wondered what would it be like when Ryan wakes. Would he act like nothing has happened? Would he be detached? Depressed? Angry?

Jon wished he'd know what to do to help Ryan.

=============================

tobejonwalker 11:11

@tobejonwalker why waste a wish? your band will never be as good as panic.

=============================

TBC
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March 2012

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